Reality Check
On Monday morning, the head teacher Song Myeong turned to Melissa and said (in a totally off-hand way) "Oh, last weekend, one of our students died", then she walked out the door. It took Melissa and I another 20 minutes of questioning various teachers to figure out what exactly had happened.
On Saturday night, as teenage boys are wont to do, he went out drinking with two of his friends. He took his mother's car. There was an accident and he, the driver, was killed. The two other boys were injured, but survived. As Grade 2 high school kids, they would be about 16-17 years old. The boy who died was a "good" kid. He was tall. He always wore his tie. He wore black-framed glasses. He was good in English. No, I don't know his name.
Melissa and I use vague descriptions or nicknames to describe our students. Out of the 600 students that I teach, I know less than 10 of their "real" names. But I can recognize just about all of them. Compare this to my students in La Pocatiere: I knew their names, where they lived, where their parents worked, their best friends (and why they weren't speaking to them on any given week), and which class their cousin was in.
Although I have received news of some of my former students dying after they'd graduated, this is the first time that it's happened to a current student. In Canada, there would have been an uproar over his death. We would have had a drunk-driving assembly, his locker would have been decorated with flowers and teddy bears, grief counselors would have been on hand to help the kids out, the year book would have had a page dedicated to him... at any rate, it would have been out in the open. Here, except for his hearse coming to the school on Monday morning (it then drove to all of his favourite places - a nice touch, I think), there doesn't seem to be any acknowledgement of his passing at all.
But, these are still teenagers - and you can see it bubbling under the surface. After school on Monday, I saw one of my kids at the bus stop, and instead of the normal "How are you"/"I'm fine, thank you, and you?", he answered, "I am upset. My friend is dead.". I've been starting my Grade 2 classes by saying that I know what happened and that I am sorry if they lost a friend and that I remember him as a good student and I will miss him too. It seems to relax the kids and all my classes this week have been stellar (and a lot of fun too - we are doing an activity where we spend a lot of our time laughing).
I am really going to miss my Suncheon Jeil Kodeung Hakkyo students when I leave.
On Saturday night, as teenage boys are wont to do, he went out drinking with two of his friends. He took his mother's car. There was an accident and he, the driver, was killed. The two other boys were injured, but survived. As Grade 2 high school kids, they would be about 16-17 years old. The boy who died was a "good" kid. He was tall. He always wore his tie. He wore black-framed glasses. He was good in English. No, I don't know his name.
Melissa and I use vague descriptions or nicknames to describe our students. Out of the 600 students that I teach, I know less than 10 of their "real" names. But I can recognize just about all of them. Compare this to my students in La Pocatiere: I knew their names, where they lived, where their parents worked, their best friends (and why they weren't speaking to them on any given week), and which class their cousin was in.
Although I have received news of some of my former students dying after they'd graduated, this is the first time that it's happened to a current student. In Canada, there would have been an uproar over his death. We would have had a drunk-driving assembly, his locker would have been decorated with flowers and teddy bears, grief counselors would have been on hand to help the kids out, the year book would have had a page dedicated to him... at any rate, it would have been out in the open. Here, except for his hearse coming to the school on Monday morning (it then drove to all of his favourite places - a nice touch, I think), there doesn't seem to be any acknowledgement of his passing at all.
But, these are still teenagers - and you can see it bubbling under the surface. After school on Monday, I saw one of my kids at the bus stop, and instead of the normal "How are you"/"I'm fine, thank you, and you?", he answered, "I am upset. My friend is dead.". I've been starting my Grade 2 classes by saying that I know what happened and that I am sorry if they lost a friend and that I remember him as a good student and I will miss him too. It seems to relax the kids and all my classes this week have been stellar (and a lot of fun too - we are doing an activity where we spend a lot of our time laughing).
I am really going to miss my Suncheon Jeil Kodeung Hakkyo students when I leave.
posted by Ms Parker at
7:23 AM
9 Comments:
These events are always unfortunate. I can't even think of what the teachers may feel like when it happens. As you said, Marie-Ève and Gabrielle were done with high school when it happened and it was all terrible for us. I can still remember them and cry sometimes at night thinking about it.
I know some day you'll be thanked for what you said before your classes began.
By
Jiji, at 9:06 AM
Your compassion will matter, does matter, and has mattered.
By
Anonymous, at 12:13 PM
Thank you!
(Yes, J-J, I have been thinking about Marie-Eve and Gabrielle all week!)
By
Ms Parker, at 6:13 PM
Crazy.
I think its times like this, teaching in Korea, that it is truly important to go with your heart and tell the students how you feel, rather than what is normal for Korean teachers.
Way to be yourself, Virginia.
By
Brent, at 9:31 PM
how very sad. i agree with brent, be yourself - the kids will appreciate it. it's too bad the school doesn't support the students through this or at least create a dialogue about drinking and driving.
k
By
Anonymous, at 3:30 AM
that is terrible, I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you are really handling it well, and helping the kids deal with this loss the best they can. They are lucky to have you.
Christa
By
Anonymous, at 1:28 PM
hey man, i can totally understnad what it was like at your school. I had a similar experience with my co-t (i can't remember if I told you about it or not), but it just seems so shocking how quickly things are "gotten over" here. But then again, maybe it has it's advantages...
I think you dealt with it perfectly in your classes. The western teacher in you probably was screaming to have a "let's talk about it" lesson, but it's pretty much impossible here, eh?
By
Vanessa, at 9:21 PM
Hi Its MOM Its sad Love MOM
By
Anonymous, at 9:32 PM
omg!! I was not prepared for that at all! Just the candor in which Koreans speak, eh?
None of my kids have died, thankfully. But they're always getting broken limbs, and in the 7 months I've been here, I've lost two of them to expulsions due to the fact that they stole a motor-bike (the first one then used said stolen motorbike to do a drive-by purse-snatching). And of course, NO ONE talks about it. Whereas in Canada ALL the kids would be bubbling about it, and it would be the topic of gossip in the teacher's lounge.
By
Anonymous, at 8:15 AM
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